FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
