I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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