i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
