his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize