Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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