dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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