He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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