would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize