So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Alive.
So much puke
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
