1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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