he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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