All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
