the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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