A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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