we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Congratulations! We have a period
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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