I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
me + whiskey = a bad person
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
