My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
