Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
