Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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