I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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