i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
