I wish I could teleport
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
