I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
