after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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