On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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