My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
FUCK WHALES
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
