What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
