I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
