20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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