i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
