Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
