I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
