This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
40s are totally the cure
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize