My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
