I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
