He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
