Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
