I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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