he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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