dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize