Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
