ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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