Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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