i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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