Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
