His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize