sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
