She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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