Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
