her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
