had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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