I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
