i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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