dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
