new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
