ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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