But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
