i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize