Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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