I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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