If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
