he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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